Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Help Me Get Married!


I never have and never will be able to write about anything political, for two reasons:  
First, I do not understand politics. I would have better luck writing about ice skating in a foreign language.  
Second, and 100% related, my brain is very small.
However, sometimes political issues or events will trigger my small brain, which mainly thinks about me-related things and tonight the passing of North Carolina’s Amendment 1 has done that.
I always say that I am missing some sort of gene, the “I want to get married” gene, because I just don’t have the desire to get married.
I was told I would want to get married when I met the right person.  This is false.  I have met the right person.
Also, I have almost zero fear of commitment.  Because of skating, that is one of the few things I do well.  I can commit.
And here is the truth, missing gene or not:
I want to want to get married.
All I need is someone to talk me into it.    
Here is my obstacle:
I have an aversion to exclusivity.  I typically end up on the losing side of that coin.  And right now, marriage seems to be an ever increasing exclusive club.
And what is crazy is that I can totally join the club.  Here is something I do not have to qualify for (unlike, say, the Olympics) or attend school to do (unlike being in any high school club) or even have a hint of a butt to be in (unlike getting inducted into the “a boy tried to grab my butt at the middle school dance” club.)
I don’t even have to prove religious dedication or ability to procreate, though these seem to be essential to the club.
I just lucked out that my parts are different from my boyfriend’s parts.  
Luck.  
Luck is my “get into marriage free” card.  A card I just made up that this exclusive club just might use (but pretty sure they don’t because I know a lot of married people, including my parents, and I feel like something like that would be up on the fridge.)
So, what do I do?
Do I take my luck and just figure I am due some good luck at some point, like, “Hey! I didn’t win the one lotto I played, so I am owed this!”
Do I just shrug my shoulders and point at a gay friend’s crotch and say, “Tough luck. By the way, I am registered at Crate & Barrel.”
Seriously, what do I do?
I have all the makings for a marriage.  I have the desire to spend the rest of my life with a certain someone, I have the plan to, I have good commitment skills, and, I got luck.
So, what do I do?