In the “How to Blog” online writing class I took this past summer, I learned that blogs should have an angle, they should be specific.  Like “I am a single parent in New York City and here are my struggles,” or “I am a motorcycle enthusiast traveling the United States and here are my tales.”

I feel like I started with this intention; last year I was an “I am a fresh-off-competition ice skater touring with a professional skating show through Europe and here are my silly adventures.”

But now, round two, I realize, I ain’t got no angle!  

I can’t figure out if my main goal here is playing travel writer or working out some psychoanalytical stuff.

And truth be told, they are both kind of fun.

Because I didn’t fall head over heels for this dealio last year, I waver between working through my feelings about this experience and just turning my attention towards the traveling aspect of the job.

You may have noticed.

And I am not sure that will change.  It was just an observation.  And a good set up for the following...

As far as the travel aspect goes, I will say that Dresden is place to see.  And this can be backed-up by a recent National Geographic article: http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/best-trips-2012/

It is a beautiful town, as you can see....

With funky areas, like Kunsthof Passage...

And the most beautiful dairy store in the world (I had to take a picture of the bag, because photos are not allowed inside)

On a gorgeous sunny day, the city looks even better....

When you want to know the time, you can check out this bad boy...

And if you never want to be reminded of the time, there is plenty of nightlife too....

                
And for the what-is-going-on-in-my-brain portion of this, I am proud to say that I am feeling optimistic.  Even giddy.

We head to Berlin next and will be there for three weeks.  Then there are just two more cities after that, which strikes me as crazy.  Crazy because it means the following:

Three more openings.

Three more times having to figure out where the #$@% to enter the building.

Three more times setting up our dressing room tables.

Three more times trying to find coffee stand.

Three more ice surface sizes to get used to.

Three more times packing up our dressing room spots, crates, costumes, etc.

And that sounds really manageable.  And it also sounds like it means this:

Three more places to not cry in.

Three more environments to carry out a “no bullsh*t” policy.

Three more venues to try to not worry about what others think.

And three more places to practice handstands!

This city hasn’t been much to write home about.  A lot of buildings look like this:

Or like this:

Which has been a bit of a bummer, because in order to survive this madness here (and not have to deal with too much “bullsh*t” from myself,) I have to find a good balance between resting and saving money and getting out and enjoying the city.

Since there is not much to see or do, I’ve lost my balance this week.  And it doesn’t feel good.  

It feels a little like a hangover.  Or an upset stomach.  I haven’t decided.

The one saving grace this city has been a small record store I found a few blocks from the hotel.

Just as I had been thinking about my resolution to buy records instead of CDs, I walked right past this store.  At first I decided not to go in, because it seems a bit unnecessary to start collecting records while essentially backpacking through Europe.

But then I changed my mind.  And walked back. 

Inside I met Andreas, who seemed to be the sole owner/worker of the store.  He mentioned that he was shipping a record to Virginia, an East German print of a Whitney Houston album (still can’t believe it.)

I was fascinated by this special East German something he was talking about.  Andreas explained that East Germany had their own special label, called AMIGA.  The albums usually involve simpler designs, because there wasn’t enough money to have lots of different colored inks, and the prices listed on the albums are listed in East German marks.

I thought this was way too cool, so I bought another copy of the Whitney Houston album he was shipping (still heartbroken) and a very simple-looking Beatles album.

Then I went back the next day and bought a Madonna album, Bruce Springsteen album and an album by The Police.  

And Andreas threw in a bonus album by an East German band called Puhdys, but one where they sing in English.  Thoughtful!

And there you have it.  My Zwickau highlight.

Goodbye Zwickau.  Dresden, you're up next!

Goal Assessment. Warning, there is cursing.

I had set some goals for myself this tour and I think it is time to check in with them.

First, I had wanted to blog once I week.  And, eh, I haven’t strayed too too far from that.  Although it hasn’t always been once a week, it has honestly been more often than I expected.  It has also been messier and sometimes haphazard.  But my goal wasn’t to write a better blog, so let’s not focus on mere details.

I also swore to never check to see if my blades were dull until I started sliding around on the ice a whole bunch.  And yeah, I now pretty much wait until things feel really bad or my butt makes contact with the ice to consider getting my skates sharpened. 

My hand-standing goal seems to be coming along well. I can get into one on my first try, but I am still too scared to try it without the wall for balance. I think it’s time to confer with coach Jane about the next step.

As far as not crying on the job goes, I am proud to say that I was put to the test yesterday, and passed with flying colors.  Good thing my goal isn’t to “not act like a little baby at work” because that I would have failed at that miserably.

Also, I had stated that I wanted to find a balance between hanging out with people and spending time alone.  I think I’ve done a pretty good job at that.

But that leads me to my big super hard challenging goal, which is the not worrying about if people like me goal.  That one is driving me nuts.

We are at the half-way point in tour and it is this point that turns everyone crazy, myself included.

The lack of balance between this life and any other life you’d like to have co-exist makes you forget who you were before this tour train left the station.  You kind of forget what makes you a whole person, and instead you become a weird imitation of yourself, who wears entirely too much make-up.

For me, my crazy manifests in this over-analyzed concern of what others think about me.  I know! So self-centered!  There is about one person here who probably truly doesn’t like me, other people who may not like me for no good reason, and a WHOLE BUNCH of people who don’t ever think about me.

And I have an experiment for you.  Find one person in your daily life and decide that they don’t like you.  Then watch what happens.

Any silence between you and that person means something.  

If that person does or doesn’t make eye contact with you in the hall means something.

And if that person does or doesn’t sit next to you to eat breakfast or ride the bus means something.

And all this meaning, which was made up in your head, adds up to one big fake concern.

And this is how I make myself crazy.  

Luckily, this year, I understand that this happens.  I become crazy; it is par for the course.  But I also get that while I turn crazy, I also have my sanity, which I know doesn’t make a lot of sense, but hold on...

You see, you have two different selves working at once. Your emotional self is the one that turns crazy, like would happen in any good reality TV show, but your rational self acknowledges that this is happening and tries its best to keep the crazy in check.  It says, “Hey buddy, be cool.  No need for nonsense.”

It reminds me of my favorite moment in the “Winnebago Man” youtude video (a video of a man clearly frustrated while taping some promo stuff at work.)  

Jack Rebney is basically cursing the entire video, but offers this gem of a line while doing it:

“Listen, I gotta give a clue here now.  I don’t want anymore bullshit anytime during the day, from anyone, and that includes me.”

Which also reminds me of how one of our cast members said today, “I need to put myself in a time out.” 

Ahhhhh. At least we can recognize when we start going down this foolish path.  And admitting is the first step, right?!

So, I will now head to my time-out and try my best to enforce a “no bullshit” from myself policy.

Let’s hope I can stay there for 7 more weeks. ;)

Things I Learned in San Jose

Happy Super Bowl Sunday.  I will hopefully catch some of this game I don’t understand (football is so confusing!) in an Irish pub somewhere here in Munich.

Speaking of confusing sports, I was lucky enough to work and watch the 2012 U.S. Figure Skating Championships in San Jose, California.

Things I learned during my week in San Jose:

Ice skating is fun to watch.

There is not one cell in my body that wishes I were still competing.

I can say the above because I still get to skate and perform a lot.  I am very grateful for that.

Speaking of which, Brent and I should be really proud that we still skate together, even if we don’t like each other much (just kidding Brent.)

Also, I probably don’t wish I were competing because everyone is so damn good.  I know I’d get my booty kicked.

In certain environments, old habits must be hard to break because although I was not competing, I was still very critical of myself (see below.)

I have not mastered the English language.  Complete sentences are still a struggle.

While someone is having what seems to be their most important moment in their life on the ice, someone else is selling popcorn.

And, here is something else:

After watching all the wonderful skating in San Jose, I found myself really inspired. I now want to go home, jump on some sequin-free ice, and work on my skating skills...and my speed, flexibility, some creative lifts, and maybe even some fast twizzles.

I would describe all the skaters who made me feel this way as “inspiring," because, obviously, their skating is what makes me feel inspired.

Then I think about Jeremy Abbott. 

And I realize I wouldn’t describe Jeremy’s skating as “inspiring.”  He might be inspiring as a person, but not his skating.

This is what his skating is to me: devastating.

Watching Jeremy skate does not motivate me to become a better skater.  Instead, I want to throw my skates in the garbage and write apology letters to anyone who has seen me skate, for I have greatly wasted their time.

Because while watching him skate (and I am talking about the way he moves on the ice here) you realize that what you are watching is the closest thing to organic perfection you might ever see.

It is the level beyond the level beyond inspiring.  It’s from some other universe.  It cannot be taught or learned, it is completely natural, and it is what we all wish we had, which is why it is so crushing.

I don’t say this to make Jeremy feel bad (I would never!) but more to put into words this thing I just realized, that somewhere far beyond the land of inspiration lies the land of devastation.

Plus, we need the Jeremy Abbotts of the world to help put us in our place, which is standing, in awe, and drooling just a little...which isn’t a bad place to be ;)